the self-fulfilling prophecy: how expectations are lies that you end up making not-lies
I used to joke around that every day, I'm a different version of myself. And eventually, I realized that was true. On every level, from the cheesy "be a better person each day" to the biological "your cells are constantly dying and regenerating", we are constantly changing.
Personality isn't static - it's amorphous, shapeshifting as we grow, adapting to every new experience. There's the version of ourselves that we want to be and the versions that exist. And the interactions between the two constantly edit each other through self-fulfilling prophecies.
"What is that?"
As the basis behind “fake it ‘till you make it”, self-fulfilling prophecies operate on the interaction between mindset and behavior. It states that the things we believe to be true, even if initially false, often actually become true due to our own actions towards it.
The self-fulfilling prophecy has a huge range of effects.
For instance, telling teachers that some randomly selected students are gifted will result in teachers unconsciously treating those students with more attention and generosity in class. Subsequently, those students actually score higher on exams (the Pygmalion effect).
Another well-known self-fulfilling prophecy occurs in the placebo effect, in which patients believe they are taking a medicine, but in reality are taking a placebo, which has no known medical benefits. Patients’ presumptive beliefs in their own recovery will often relieve symptoms based on this placebo alone.
But with all that power, it’s worth asking: how does it influence our self-perception, and can we use it for growth? After all, if our mindsets influence our reality, isn’t it possible to then shape our lives by hacking the prophecy?
First, let’s define some terms:
Mindset: our current, existing framework through which we view the world, including our current beliefs of who we are. This is the “prophecy” of the self-fulfilling prophecy.
External action: actions observable to those w/o access to our inner thoughts or feelings
Internal thought: the stream of words/images that come into our heads. It’s distinct from the mindset in that if we want, we can consciously control it. For example, we can force ourselves to think about working out (internal thought), but we can’t consciously change our default feelings towards it (mindset).
Version 1.0: the current self
Version 2.0: the ideal self, who we can change v1.0 into becoming by hacking the self-fulfilling prophecy
The self-fulfilling prophecy highlights the ability for external action and internal thought to influence the default mindset.
The cycle starts off with a default – let’s say you really, really want to learn how to draw, but your default mindset holds beliefs about yourself and about drawing: you’re not good at drawing, and the task is too difficult, anyway. Version 1.0 starts with “I can’t draw” and Version 2.0 says, “I’m an amateur artist!”
The Version 1.0 default mindset dictates conscious internal thoughts, like “You don’t have time for it” and “It’s not worth it” and “You’re not going to be good”. These thoughts strengthen the power of the prophecy – maybe originally, the mindset was just a feeling at the back of your head. But now, after thinking it over, the thoughts grow stronger, the neural connection between “art” and “doubt” tightens, and your brain successful talks itself out of even trying.
It also dictates external actions, or, in this case, lack thereof, in the form of not trying or trying and giving up from the task's perceived difficulty. This means you don’t have any external results to show the original prophecy that it was wrong. Additionally, the conscious thoughts also whisper about how you should probably give up anyway.
Because of these two, the prophecy is fulfilled. Version 1.0 is sustained.
When things are going well, this is great! Positive feedback loops reinforce existing mindset and behavior, and this makes everyone involved very happy.
But this cycle also makes change very difficult. Though we unconsciously change every day, how can we interrupt a cycle that seems intent on reinforcing its loops?
I propose that we are a combination of the default mindset, the controllable internal thoughts, and the external, observable actions. And in order to change any aspect of ourselves, we have to be willing to interject our own goals into our self-fulfilling prophecy.
In order to access true change, then, we have to change the blue bubbles.
Impose a Version 2.0 default mindset. The thing about the Version 1.0 default mindset is that it hates change. It is the default by name, and it doesn’t enjoy being replaced. Maybe the default used to be “I’m just late, that’s just who I am”. The latter part – the “that’s just who I am” is simultaneously very useful for keeping a sense of personal identity and very annoying for wanting to change that personal identity. This is a half-lie, because it’s telling yourself you have a new default when that’s not something you can control yet. “I used to always be late, but that’s something I’m working on!” is a v2.0 expectation we set for ourselves. And its imposition onto v1.0 is the first step in changing the subsequent bubbles.
Interrupt your internal thoughts. Your internal thoughts run their mouths a lot. They tell you all sorts of things, and it’s easy to just let them sweep you along. But the beautiful thing about them is that you can use them to say things you don’t actually yet believe, like telling yourself that you’re going to rock this interview, even if you’re actually nervous. It’s also worth reframing with language – a “thank you for waiting” instead of “sorry I’m late”. By refusing to let your conscious self use Version 1.0 processes, you update to Version 2.0 networks.
Take external action. The best way to stick it to the Version 1.0 default mindset is to prove it wrong. After all, it doesn't make sense for our brains to hold on to "I'm just the late friend" if you stop being late to things. Without evidence supporting its hypotheses, it starts to lose space to the Version 2.0 mindset, which now has new proof that it’s correct. This begins a new self-fulfilling prophecy.
To consciously change, we have to believe that we’re capable of change (shifting from v1.0 to v2.0 default mindset). As paradoxical as that is. And that’s hard. It really, genuinely is. It’s a series of questions you have to ask yourself every day. It’s an automatic reflex that you have to suppress.
But it also gets easier. The hard part about habits is building them, not following them. Over time, the questions don’t need to be asked anymore because you’ll know the answer. The reflexes become not ones you’ll suppress, but ones you’ll embrace. The self-fulfilling prophecy fulfills itself, and Version 1.0 becomes Version 2.0.